


Faith In Us

by SupernaturalPhoenix



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Multi, i own nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-06 12:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13410954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalPhoenix/pseuds/SupernaturalPhoenix
Summary: After a brutal attack, Sister Winifred's world cumbles. She needs the help and love of her sisters and colleagues to pick up the pieces.





	1. Chapter 1

It was 3 in the morning when the call came in. Dolores Cain had gone into labor. It was her fith child, so they weren't to concerned.

Sister Winifred was first on call. She roused herself quickly and rushed to the bicycle shed. The cold night air vanished any trace of sleep. She cycled confidently down the road, despite the darkness.

When she arrived, Mr Cain was outside the door to flag her down and she was ushered up to the bedroom. Dolores and her mother, Betty, were waiting. Everything was set up and ready to go.

..........................................................................................

As Sister Winifred cycled home, she thought of the prayers that would be filling the chapel of Nonatus House. She knew the route well and was in her own form of prayer.

And then someone grabbed her shoulders and yanked her roughly of her bicycle. She cried out in shock as she was dragged into an alley. She was suddenly turned around sharply and looked into the cold, dark eyes of a shadowy man.

"Pretty little thing, aren't you?" he said lowly. Sister Winifred caught the scent of alcohol on his breath.

"Let go of me!" she said, trying to be firm, but her voice trembled.

The man pressed his lips against hers. She protested, trying to shove him of her, but he was to strong. He nicked her lip with his teeth. Sister Winifred felt her skin tear. She managed to pry the man of off her body and she backed away.

"Just- stay _away_ from me!" she cried. She felt cold stone against her back.

The man smiled cruelly. "You're here to stay, pretty thing." he lunged at her grasping her waist and pulling her against his body. His hand travelled her form, in every place that terrified Sister Winifred even more. She shreiked and cried, pushing against her attacker.

He suddenly ripped her veil of, tangling his fingers in her hair. She struggled even more, still to no avail. He started to pull at her clothes. He tore them of. Sister Winifred let out a sobbing scream.

And suddenly she was on the floor, his weight on her torso, pinning her down. Then he was stripping of his own clothes.

"No, no, no, no! _Please no_!" Sister Winifred had never cried for God's help louder than she did then.

And then she felt him enter her. She screamed.

......................................................................................

Sister Winifred woke to rain. It started as light droplets but it soon became a torrent. She sobbed, pulling on her habit. She staggered to her feet and put one foot in front of the other. She was tired beyond belief and everything hurt. She had never imagined that anything could cause such pain.

She walked tirelessly, just trying to get home, where she would be safe. She saw through the rain, Dr. Turner's surgery. She limped to the steps and sank to her knees , to exhausted to move any more. She closed her eyes and the blackness was all she knew.


	2. Chapter 2

  * The table at Nonatus House was a seat empty at breakfast.



"Has anyone seen Sister Winifred?" Barbara asked.

Sister Julienne replied, "Sister Winifred was called out very early this morning."

"She deserves to spend a little longer in bed." said Nurse Crane firmly. No one felt like contradicting her.

And that was the end of the matter over the meal. But Sister Winifred never surfaced. When the rounds began, Nurse Crane and Barbara went up to her room to rouse her.

"Sister Winifred!" Nurse Crane called, raping on the door. "Rise and shine!"

There was no response. Nurse Crane sighed and pushed the door open.The room was empty and the bed had clearly not been slept in for some time.

"Phyllis..." Barbara said quietly.

"I know, I know."

.........................................................................................

Shelagh laughed at Patrick's terrible joke. They pulled up at the surgery, snickering together.

Suddenly, Patrick's laugh died. "Shelagh, wait here."

Shelagh looked at him. "Patrick, what's wrong?"

But Patrick didn't respond. His attention was focused on the drenched blue form on the surgery steps. Shelagh followed his gaze and gasped. "Patrick."

They both jumped out of the car and raced to the steps. Patrick knelt by the unconscious body and recognised her. "Sister Winifred." She was pale as a sheet, her lips coloured with a blueish hue.

Shelagh took of her cardigan, rolling it up and placing it under Sister Winifred's head.

"Sister Winifred." Patrick said again, trying to wake her. Sister Winifred stirred slightly, her eyes cracking open. They fell on Patrick, and became filled with fear. She moaned and turned her head away.

"Patrick... look at this." said Shelagh. She was looking at Sister Winifred's habit.

"Blood." Said Patrick somberly. "Shelagh, run inside and call for an ambulence, and Nonatus House."

Shelagh nodded and dashed inside. Patrick turned back to Sister Winifred. "Hold on, Sister. Help's coming."

Sister Winifred moaned, tears collecting on her lashes.

.............................................................................................

The telephone rang. Sister Julienne rushed to answer it. She prayed it was news on the missing Sister Winifred.

"Hello?"

"Sister Julienne, thank goodness..." It was Shelagh's voice, filled with relief.

"Shelagh." Sister Julienne was to worried to waste time on pleasantries.

"We've got Sister Winifred at the surgery, Sister." Shelagh said quickly.

Sister Julienne breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank the Lord. Is she alright?"

Shelagh sighed forlornly. "We've rang for the ambulence."

Sister Julienne gasped. "Is it that serious?"

"I'm afraid so. We found her unconscious on the steps, soaked to the bone. And she was bleeding." there was a pause. "The ambulence has arrived."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Sister Julienne replied and she put the phone down.

She walked into the equipment room. Valerie and Phyllis were there.

"Is there any news?" Valerie asked.

"Yes. Sister Winifred is being transfered to hospital. Nurse Crane, might I request the use of your car?" Sister Julienne asked.

Phyllis nodded. "Of course. Would you like to set of now?"

"If you can spare the time, that would be wonderful." Sister Julienne replied.

Phyllis looked to Patsy. "I'll hold down the fort here." the brown haired woman replied.

.......................................................................................

Sister Julienne and Phyllis arrived at the hospital several minutes after the ambulence. They didn't see Sister Winifred, but after about half an hour of waiting, Sergeant Noakes and another polieman came in. An hour later, Sergeant Noakes came and sat next to them.

"Hello, Sergeant." Sister Julienne greeted.

There was a sombre look on his face. "Sister Julienne, Nurse Crane. I'm here about Sister Winifred. I asked the doctors to let me be the one to tell you."

"Tell us what?" Sister Julienne asked apprehensively.

"She spent several hours in the rain outside Dr. Turner's surgery. There's a risk of pnemonia." Peter began.

"But she will be alright?" Sister Julienne asked. Phyllis placed a hand on her shoulder.

Peter sighed. "That's not the main concern. The blood that was found on her body is consistent with, well, with a sexual assualt."

Phyllis and Sister Julienne gasped.

"You don't mean..." Phyllis was unable to finish.

"Rape. There's evidence, but nothing concrete. Until she confirms or denies it, we can't do anything."

"H-how is she now?" Sister Julienne asked shakily.

"Asleep. You can sit with her, if you'd like." Peter said gently.

Sister Julienne nodded, beyond words.

"I'll go back to Nonatus. Telephone when you need to be picked up, and I won't breathe a word." Phyllis said softly.

Sister Julienne followed Peter into a white room. Sister Winifred lay in bed. Her habit and veil were replaced by a hospital gown. Her damp gingery hair fanned the pillow and her pale face.

Sister Julienne's heart broke. She sat by Sister Winifred's bed and took her hand, praying.

........................................................................................

Sister Winifred stirred, feeling someone holding her hand. Her heart skipped a beat, but it wasn't large and calloused, rather smaller and softer. She turned her head and opened her eyes slowly.

"Sist'r Julienne..." she mumbled.

"Oh, my dear Sister Winifred." Sister Julienne was almost tearful.

"Is something wrong?" Sister Winifred asked wearily.

"Sister, you're in hospital." Sister Julienne said gently.

And it all came crashing down on her. The memories flooded back to her like a tidal wave. She sobbed. She turned green and Sister Julienne handed her a bowl.

Sister Winifred retched and heaved. Sister Julienne rubbed her back softly. Sister Winifred broke of, gasping for air. The crying did not cease. Sister Julienne took the bowl and wrapped an arm around Sister Winifred.

“It hurts.” Sister Winifred sobbed. “It hurts so much.”

The pain in Sister Winifred’s eyes was almost to much for Sister Julienne to beat. She sat with the crying Sister Winifred, saying nothing but lending support and silently praying.

After a while, Sister Winifred’s cries ceased. Her face was streaked with tears and her eyes were bright red.

”I’m sorry.” She whispered.

”Oh, my dear, you have nothing to be sorry for. Whoever did this horrible thing to you is the one who should be sorry.” Sister Julienne reassured.

Sister Winifred coughed. “I’m tired.” She said softly.

”Rest, Sister. We shall take care of everything later.

................................….........….............…;..................

When Sister Julienne left the room, Peter was waiting. Sister Julienne sighed. “I believe you are right. Sister Winifred was assaulted.”

Peter nodded. “We’ll start investigating as soon as she can give us a statement.”

 Sister Julienne sighed. "C- could it wait until she has had time to recover?"

"I suppose so."

"Thank you."

..........................................................................................

Sister Julienne sighed. She feared what would become of Sister Winifred. They had lost Sister Mary Cynthia to a similar act of violence. And, she had not been violated as Sister Winifred had been.

Trixie let herself into the office. She was unusually subdued and quiet. "Nurse Crane told me Sister Winifred was admitted to hospital, but she didn't tell me how she is."

The tears came unbidden again to Sister Julienne's eyes. Trixie was taken aback. "Is it that bad?"

Sister Julienne lowered her head. "Sister Winifred has mild pneumonia that will keep her in bed for a few days."

Trixie breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, that's not so bad," she looked at Sister Julienne's grim face. "Isn't it?"

Sister Julienne shook her head. "Sister Winifred was also sexually assaulted."

Trixie gasped and sank into a chair. "Oh..."

"She will need all the love and support we can give her." Sister Julienne said quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

Sister Julienne sat by Sister Winifred's bedside the next morning. The sleeping woman had needed a sedative the previous night and had a light fever.

"Sister Julienne?" Sister Winifred croaked.

"Good morning, Sister. How are you feeling?" Sister Julienne asked.

Sister Winifred moaned. "Everything hurts. I couldn't sleep."

Sister Julienne ran her hand through Sister Winifred's hair. She stiffened. "He grabbed my hair." She whispered, tears trickling down her face.

"Oh my dear Sister Winifred." Sister Julienne said gently. "I am so very sorry."

Sister Winifred coughed harshly. "Am I allowed to go home? I don't like it here."

"Of course you can. This afternoon if you're well enough. Dr. Turner will take us." Sister Julienne said reassuringly.

"I need to apologise to him." Sister Winifred said quietly.

"No, you don't. He understands that you were exhausted and weak. You were only looking for shelter." Sister Julienne comforted.

Sister Winifred coughed again. Sister Julienne pressed a glass of water into her hands. Sister Winifred attempted to lift it, but her stiff muscles protested painfully. Sister Julienne helped her gently.

Sister Winifred attempted a strained smile in gratitude. It was so painful that it tore at Sister Julienne's heart. "Don't strain yourself, Sister."

Sister Winifred coughed a little. "Unfortunately, I'm rather fond of breathing."

Sister Julienne rubbed her shoulder. "It won't last. Tomorrow, we'll run you a nice warm bath. That will help."

Tears blurred Sister Winifred's eyes again. "Sister Julienne... do you think He has forsaken me?" she asked weakly.

"No, of course not. There is a reason for everything, and we must trust in Him." Sister Julienne was tearful to.

"My mother always used to tell me that God would only give us this life if we were strong enough to live it. But, I don't feel strong at all." Sister Winifred murmured, fingering the cross around her neck.

........................................................................................

Sister Julienne tried in every way possible to convince Sister Winifred to eat lunch.

"Dr. Turner will be here soon. You'll need your strength to get home." she tried.

"Sister, please. I can't eat a thing. I just can't." Sister Winifred protested.

Sister Julienne sighed and gave up. "You must have something later. You need to build up your strength."

Sister Winifred coughed and nodded. "Later."

Sister Julienne opened a cupboard and took out Sister Winifred's habit and veil. Sister Winifred moved to the edge of bed, hissing in pain. Sister Julienne helped her to stand. Sister Winifred leaned on Sister Julienne, pulling her habit before sitting back down on the bed and replacing her veil.

........................................................................................

There was a knock at the door. Dr. Turner poked his head. "All ready?"

Sister Julienne looked at Sister Winifred staring at the ground. "Yes, I belive so."

She helped Sister Winifred up and followed Dr. Turner down the hall. Sister Winifred was slow and stiff. She was jumpy and twitched at the slightest of sounds. She clutched at Sister Julienne's arm, leaning into her, as though she was her lifeline.

There was a minor incident getting into the car; Sister Winifred had ended up coughing so hard she doubled over nearly gagging. She had fallen asleep against Sister Julienne.

Sister Julienne prayed for a smooth road ahead. It would be long, but smooth would be good. Sister Winifed had barely raised her eyes from the floor in Dr. Turner's presence.  Sister Julienne couldn't tell if this was shyness and awkwardness from the whole collapsing on his steps incident, or if it was an affect of the assault. She prayed it was the former. That could be fixed in an instant.

They pulled up in front of Nonatus House. Sister Julienne was grateful that the nurses had heeded her orders to stay out of sight. She didn't want them acting any differently because Sister Winifred was returning. Being treated too differently would hinder her recovery. They would need to be more gentle with her, but glass would be to far.

Looking at Sister Winifred asleep against her side made Sister Julienne feel guilty. She couldn't help but feel responsible for what happened to her sister. The fear and pain that consumed Sister Winifred's features was gone now she was asleep.

All that was left was to defeat the fear permanently.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I find it funny how a smile can hide a broken heart  
> And how the masking of your feelings is a secret art  
> Would you have seen this coming, I know she hides it well  
> The whole world is really under this girl's tragic spell

Sister Winifred slept. She wheezed slightly, but seemed much better asleep. Sister Julienne watched over her, almost afraid to let the younger woman out of her sight. Sister Winifred had been such a bright light. Sister Julienne couldn't bear to see that light dimmed.

 Sister Evangelina was gone. Sister Mary- Cynthia was gone. Sister Winifred couldn't go to. She just couldn't. The young nun always underestimated her own strength, but she needed it now. This would be the greatest challenge she would face, but if she could conquer it, then nothing could break her again.

The door thumped quietly and Phyllis entered the room. "How is she?"

Sister Julienne sighed. "Asleep. For now."

Phyllis guided Sister Julienne to sit on the edge of Sister Winifred's bed. The pale woman didn't stir. Sister Julienne gazed at her sadly. Phyllis followed her look. "It's not your fault, Sister."

Sister Julienne nodded wearily. "I know. But I feel guilty all the same."

Phyllis gave the nun a firm look. "Sister Winifred doesn't blame you. What happened to her was terrible, but you can't beat yourself up over it. You can't help Sister Winifred if you continue like this. She needs you now, more then ever. Don't let her down."

Sister Julienne smiled. "Those are very wise words, Nurse Crane. And very true. Thank you."

Phyllis nodded and smiled back. "Of course. Is there anything else you need?"

Sister Julienne cast another look at Sister Winifred, who hadn't stirred all through the conversation. "Could you send Sister Monica Joan up? She's been anxious to see Sister Winifred since we found her."

Phyllis nodded and left the room. Sister Julienne listened to Sister Winifred's steady breathing. The door opened softly. Sister Monica Joan padded in. She closed the door behind her and walked over to the bed. "How does our Sister fare?" he tone was low and soft.

"She's peaceful." Sister Julienne replied.

Sister Monica Joan studied Sister Julienne for several moments. "You do not believe our sister has the strength to recover from this ordeal."

 Sister Julienne sighed. "I pray that she can find it. We must help her on her journey."

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Sister Winifred awoke groggily. She blinked the sleep from her eyes. The sun shined feebly through the drawn curtains. A sudden shiver took over her, the cold driving her insane. She was disorientated to say the least. Stiffly, she slid out of bed and slipped on her shoes. She wrapped her blanket around her shoulders and ventured into the halls. She heard voices in the clinical room. She followed them and found Barbara and Trixie there.

"Oh, Sister Winifred! You're up!" Trixie exclaimed on seeing the pale nun.

"Nurse Franklin, Nurse Gilbert." Sister Winifred murmured distractedly.

Barbara and Trixie exchanged worried glances. "How are you feeling?" Barbara asked.

Sister Winifred looked around the room, taking in every little detail. It was several moments before she responded. "I'm quite alright, thank you."

"I thought you were on bed rest for the next few days?" Trixie enquired. "I wouldn't have though you'd be well enough to wander the house."

Like a flick of a switch, Sister Winifred's mood changed. She shook slightly and went white. She started to cry. Trixie moved to her side, cautious about touching her. Sister Mary Cynthia had been so very afraid of contact after her attack. Trixie couldn't help but draw parallels between the two.

"Oh, Sister. I didn't mean to upset you." she said softly.

Sister Winifred nodded, still crying. She knew that Barbara and Trixie were nice and wouldn't hurt her, but she didn't _know_ them. And that was scary to her. She didn't know what to do anymore. It was like the attack had changed and warped the entire world, but everything was still the same. It didn't make sense. It was like God wasn't there any more. She wanted her _sisters._ ~~~~ ~~~~They made sense. They could still hear God and help her find him again.

"Shall I fetch Sister Julienne?" Barbara asked, knowing that she would be the best person to help Sister Winifred. The quietly sobbing nun nodded, drawing her blanket tighter, to hide away. Trixie slowly put her arm around Sister Winifred's shoulders. The young nun didn't react to her.

Barbara returned with Sister Julienne on her heels. Sister Julienne wasn't prepared for Sister Winifred's sorry state and had to fight to control her own emotions. "Oh, my dear. Whatever is the matter?"

Trixie moved away to allow Sister Julienne to take her place. Sister Winifred shrugged, leaning into Sister Julienne. "It doesn't make sense anymore." Sister Julienne rubbed her back slowly.

"I'm going to take you back to your room and we can talk there." Sister Julienne told her.

Sister Winifred sniffed and nodded.

Sister Julienne turned to Barbara and Trixie. "Could I trouble you to bring a cup of tea up? I think Sister Winifred needs one."

Barbara nodded. "Of course."

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

 Sister Julienne let Sister Winifred cry into her shoulder for quite some time. Barbara had delivered two cups of tea and some biscuits. They had been set down on the bedside table. Sister Julienne was waiting for Sister Winifred to calm down before offering her tea, lest she choke. Besides, Sister Winifred didn't like hot food and had to wait a long time for tea to be cool enough to drink.

"Nothing makes sense anymore." Sister  Winifred said softly, tears still trickling down her cheeks. "It feels like everything's changed, but I look around and everything's the same. I don't understand it anymore." she coughed slightly.

Sister Julienne sighed, mentally planning strategies to help her dear sister. "It will get better soon. I promise. The Lord will listen to our prayers."

Sister Winifred turned away from Sister Julienne, wraping her arms around herself. "I don't hear His voice anymore. It's like He's deserted me."

Sister Julienne gently pulled Sister Winifred into another embrace. "Of course He hasn't. He loves us all, and He will be there. When you're dready to listen again."

"I think I'd like that tea now." Sister Winifred murmured, subltly telling Sister Julienne that she appreciated and understood her words.

"Of course." Sister Julienne said kindly, proud at the progress Sister Winifred had made in talking about how she felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics are not mine. They sre from a very good song called 'Stolen Innocence.' Nothing here is mine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking nothing of the glare in her big blue eyes,  
> Little do they know they're a great disguise,  
> She wakes up, watches the sun rise,  
> Starts reeling out the bucket loads of sad lies.

When Sister Julienne rose for compline, she had to check in on Sister Winifred. The young nun would not be able to attend, but she would be the focus of their prayers.

She seemed rather unsettled in her sleep. Sister Julienne ran her hand over Sister Winifred’s hair. She frowned and felt Sister Winifred’s forehead. It was slightly warmer than normal. Sister Winifred jerked away in terror. Sister Julienne gasped and shook Sister Winifred's shoulder. Sister Winifred yelped as she woke. She lashed out and caught Sister Julienne on the arm. Sister Julienne cried out as Sister Winifred's elbow connected with her arm. The sound seemed to startle Sister Winifred into some sort of coherency.

"Sister! I'm so sorry! I was dreaming and-" Sister Winifred started crying. "I thought- it was so real! I'm sorry!"

Sister Julienne pulled her into an embrace. "It's alright. I doubt that it will even bruise. What worries me more is you." Sister Winifred pressed her head against Sister Julienne's shoulder. She understood the hint that Sister Julienne wanted to help, to listen. To understand.

"It was like I was there... in the alley. _He_ was there. Oh, Sister, his eyes were so cold. It was like he didn't have any soul." Sister Winifred explained miserably.

Sister Julienne felt her forehead again. "I know. I'm so sorry that you endured this pain. Your temperature is slightly raised. Do you think you can go back to sleep, for I have to go to compline?"

Sister Winifred nodded, whipping her eyes with her sleeve. Sister Julienne tucked her in. Sister Julienne was just t the door when she heard a quiet "thank you" as Sister Winifred drifted back to sleep.

.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The next day, Phyllis went in to check on Sister Winifred after breakfast. The young nun was still asleep. Phyllis noticed a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead. Sister Julienne had told Phyllis that Sister Winifred had had a light temperature when she'd checked on her that night. Phyllis felt Sister Winifred's forehead and found a fever.

"Sister? Sister Winifred!" Phyllis shook her. Sister Winifred's eyes opened blearily. She looked at Phyllis through glassy eyes. "You have a fever, Sister." Phyllis told her.

"Oh." was all Sister Winifred could say. Everything was fuzzy in her head and she was having trouble comprehending what was going on. Phyllis saw this.

"I'm going to leave you alone for a moment to call Dr. Turner. Then I'm going to come back up with Sister Julienne. Alright?"

Sister Winifred nodded sleepily, not really listening. Her eyes slipped closed as Phyllis left the room. She was feeling a bit chilly and burrowed back under the covers. It was warm under there; safe to. If she stayed under there, she could pretend that the attack never happened.

She didn't know how long had passed when she was pulled from her doze by a shake of her shoulder. Her eyes focused and found the face of Sister Julienne next to her. Nurse... was it Crane or Phyllis, very confusing, and Dr. Turner.

"'S' someth'ng wrong?" Sister Winifred rasped.

Sister Julienne brushed a stray strand of hair from Sister Winifred's forehead, feeling the heat for herself. "No, my dear. But Doctor Turnerr needs to look at you. You're ill, I'm afraid."

Sister Winifred blinked blearily, to get the sleep out her eyes. "Oh. Is that why everything's... fuzzy?"

Dr. Turner stepped closer and sat on the other side of the bed to Sister Julienne. "What do you mean by fuzzy?"

Sister Winifred shrugged. "I don't... I can't keep up." she said after a lengthy pause. "With anything..."

Dr. Turner pulled out a termometer. Sister Winifred took it and closed her eyes. Sister Julienne's constant prodding was the only thing keeping her awake. She was to tired and she wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep.

After awhile, the termometer was taken out her mouth and passed around between the doctor, Sister and nurse. None of them let Sister Winifred see what it said. And, to be honest, she didn't care. She knew she was feeling utterly rubbish.

"I'm going to start you on a course of pennacilin." Dr. Turner said. 

Sister Winifred nodded sleepily. "That's nice." She was just to tired to care. Sister Julienne's hands on her shoulders were warm and were lulling her to sleep. "I'm tired." she mumbled absently.

Sister Julienne gave her another tap to keep her awake. "I know. You can sleep after we finish."

Sister Winifred let out a series of painful sounding coughs.  "I feel sick."

"I'll get you some water." Phyllis said softly. Sister Winifred didn't notice her leave, but she must have because she was nowhere to be found. The sleepy nun's eyes drooped. Her head soon followed; falling onto Sister Julienne's arm. "Can I sleep now?" she mumbled.

  Sister Julienne placed cool fingers against her hot cheek. "No, my dear. You need water. But I promise you will be able to sleep soon."

Sister Winifred looked up ater her with round glassy eyes. "Promise?" she pleaded, suddenly very childlike.

Sister Julienne squeezed her hand. "I promise." Sister Winifred whimpered and coughed. Sister Julienne sighed. She wished she could do more. She wanted to take all her sister's pain away. It hurt her that she couldn't. She pulled the blanket over Sister Winifred's shoulders when the sick woman started shivering. She made a small noise of gratitude. Sister Julienne prodded her again as her eyes closed.

"It's cold in here." Sister Winifred murmured.

Doctor Turner stood up. "I'll be right back." Sister Winifred blinked and he was gone. Sister Julienne prodded her again.

"You must try and stay awake, sister."

Sister Winifred made an indignant sqeaking sound as her arm was poked. "I am. I'm awake."

Sister Julienne laid a hand on Sister Winifred's warm forhead. "I know it's hard. But you must try. You're not well and you need water. It will help."

Sister Winifred groaned and held onto Sister Julienne's habit tighter. She swallowed thickly as a wave of nausea washed over her. Sister Julienne recognised the paling complexion and reached for the bin by the bed.  Sister Winifred tried to fight her rising stomach but she lost. She retched forcefuly, as though her whole stomach was forcing its way up her throat. Sister Julienne rubbed circles on her back. There were tears in Sister Winifred's eyes as she raised her head from the bin.

 "Oh, my dear." Sister Julienne sighed.

Sister Winifred moaned.

It was at that moment the door opened and Doctor Turner and Phyllis returned. They immediately saw what happened. Sister Winifred laid back down, pillowing her head in the crook of Sister Julienne's elbow. It was clear she was hiding from the newcomers.

"Oh dear." Phyllis sighed. She took the bin from Sister Julienne. "I'll deal with this." She was gone from the room yet again. Sister inifred cast a sideways glance at Doctor Turner, wondering what he wanted. He handed a hot water bottle wrapped in a tea towel to Sister Julienne. "Thank you, doctor." she said.

"I'll take my leave now, but I'll be back in a few days." Doctor Turner explained. "I'll leave instructions on dosages with Nurse Crane."

Sister Julienne nodded. She turned her attention back to Sister Winifred.

"Can I sleep now?" came the impossibly quiet voice.

Sister Julienne smiled at her sister's predictability. "Yes, sister. You can sleep now. Would you like this?" she asked, holding out the hot water bottle. She looked at the Sister Winifred and laughed softly: the young sister's eyes had finally fallen shut and her breathing had evened out. She was fast asleep.

Sister Julienne gently positioned the hot water bottle against Sister Winifred's stomach and left her to sleep.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Valerie, could you take Sister Winifred's list?" Trixie asked.

Valerie perked up on hearing her name. "Yes, I can."

Trixie came over to the clinical room table to join Barbara and Valerie. Both were looking very down in the dumps. Trixie was no better herself. They were trying to co-ordinate rearanging the schedule until Sister Julienne could draw up an advanced roster. Phyllis had given them her approval to make appropriate changes.

"Who can take the Tuesday evening spot?" Barbara asked.

Valerie sighed. "Well, that's Trixie's night of, you're with Tom. Phyllis and I are already on call... so I suppose we'll have to ask Sister Julienne to do it."

Trixie huffed in her usual manner. "The problem is we don't know how long Sister Winifred is going to be off for. It could be a few weeks or it could be months. Sister Julienne said that we have to wait until she feels ready."

Barbara's face fell even more. "Doctor Turner came to see her. I heard him talking to Phyllis; he thinks she has pneumonia. It's horrible that she has to suffer even more, when she was just..." she found herself completely incapable of saying the word. "attacked." she finished flatly.

"Yes, it is." Valerie agreed. "But I suppose we just have to find a way to carry on."

Trixie nodded. "Besides, I don't think she'll want us moping around on her behalf. She's to _cheerful_ for that."

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................

 Shelagh looked up as Patrick came through the surgery door. She saw the grim look on his face and immediatly knew it wasn't good. 

"Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked.

He smiled wearily at her. "That would be wonderful."They made their way into the office, armed with tea and biscuits.

"What happened?" Shelagh asked.

"Sister Winifred." Patrick replied with a sigh.

Shelagh frowned in understanding. "How is she?"

Patrick shook his head. "She has pneumonia. Fever, vomiting. Excessive tiredness."

Shelagh could read him like a book. "But that's not all?"

Patrick smiled at her despite everything. "No. It was the way she leaned on Sister Julienne. It was like... she needed to be held, just to know she's safe. It definately isn't a normal reaction to fever."

Shelagh sighed and put her hand over his. "You did your best. But, Patrick, this is something you can only help with. You can't cure her. I think she just needs love.. But, she wasn't afraid of you?"

Patrick shook his head. "No, thank goodness."

"See, that's already progress."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually know if there is an office at the surgery but for the sake of argument there is now


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you alright?  
> Yes, she replies  
> No one can hear the scream of her internal cries  
> She thinks there's no hope and no faith left to give

Sister Monica Joan crept down the hallway and stopped outside a door. Sister Julienne had told her not to disturb their young sister, but it was midmorning. Sister Winifred needed sustinance to get well. 

The old woman opened the door silently. Sister Winifred was curled up asleep. The hot water bottle was still pressed against her stomach. She seemed peaceful enough but Sister Monica Joan could see the little twitches, could hear the little hitches in her breath. Very carefully, Sister Monica Joan tapped Sister Winifred's shoulder repeatedly. Sister Winifred stirred, moaning at the constant patting on her shoulder.

"Come now," Sister Monica Joan instructed in her 'stern' voice. "We must all rise and face the new day."

Sister Winifred suddenly blinked away all sleep. She jerked awake. Her terrified eyes searched the room for danger. Her breath came in short ragged gasps. Sister Monica Joan could see how this pained her, because of the pneumonia.

"Please, Sister. You must calm yourself, for I fear you may do more damage to yourself. You are in a place of safety. There is no danger here." Sister Monica Joan comforted softly.

Sister Winifred looked her and calmed down. "Sister Monica Joan?"

Sister Monica Joan smiled. "Your eyes are not decieved. And I have brought nourishment."

Sister Winifred looked at her blankly. Sister Monica Joan coaxed her into sitting up properly. Then a tray was set on her lap, with a plate of toast on it. "Oh." was all Sister Winifred said.  With Sister Monica's encouragement, she nibbled the toast. She felt rather like a rabbit, but she had no desire to repeat her earlier experience.  When she finished, she felt rather weak.

"Thank you." she whispered.

Sister Monica Joan patted her hand. "Do not worry." She held up a glass of water and pressed into Sister Winifred's hands. The young woman took several careful sips before putting it down. She felt so weak she was worried she was going to drop it. "I'm tired." she moaned.

Sister Monica Joan smiled reassuringly. "I have been through this illness many times. Have no fear; you are safe here."

Sister Winifred nodded slightly as her eyes drifted shut.

.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

A scream shattered the still air in Nonnatus House. The plates were just being put away after lunch. Everyone looked up alarmed. They all seemed to be fighting the instinct to investigate immediately. "I will see to this." Sister Julienne instructed. She didn't want Sister Winifred to get any more panicked than she already was, which was what being awoken by someone she wasn't close to would do to her.

Sister Julienne rushed up the stairs, down the hall and opened Sister Winifred's door. She was instantly assaulted by the whimpers and groans of someone suffering. She saw Sister Winifred tossing and turning, tangling herself in the bedsheets.

"Oh, my dear..." Sister Julienne whispered. Conquering her own emotions, she moved to the edge of the bed. She took a gentle hold of Sister Winifred's shoulder and shook her slightly. "Sister Winifred! Sister!"

With a sobbing scream, Sister Winifred wrenched herself into awareness. She was half crying, half gasping, trembling, searching the room for anything dangerous or scary. She found Sister Julienne's worried face. It seemed to calm her down slightly, but she was still crying and gasping. Sister Julienne took her into a hug, taking deliberately slow, even breaths. Sister Winifred caught on and copied the action until her breathing was back under control. There were still tears pouring down her face though. Sister Julienne didn't bother to ask what was wrong. She already knew.

"It's alright, Sister." she said quietly. "You're safe now."

Sister Winifred hiccuped, coughed and said nothing. She pressed her head against Sister Julienne's shoulder. The older woman let her. It was best best not to push, or risk more damage to the weak woman. Eventually, Sister Winifred fell asleep against Sister Julienne. Sister Julienne didn't have the heart to move her, epspecially as she seemed so peaceful.

After a while, Sister Monica Joan let herself in. "Our commrades have just departed, and I fear there is much work to be done." she said softly, as she came and sat on the other side of Sister Winifred. "I will watch over our young sister in your absence."

Sister Julienne nodded, easing Sister Winifred against Sister Monica Joan's side. The young woman barely stirred, though she hummed sightly. Sister Monica Joan gently cupped the back of Sister Winifred's head with her hand. Sister Julienne gave them one last look before leaving.

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Sister Monica Joan was pleased with her efforts. Sister Winifred was still sleeping soundly. The old woman knew that just holding her sister would help; even in sleep, she could feel that she was safe. When she felt safe, the nightmares wouldn't get her.

Sister Monica Joan cared very much for Sister Winifred. However, because she had only been with them for a short while, she was often left alone. The nurses had each other and didn't know how to kindle a friendship with a nun. They tried, and she tried, but nothing ever lasted. And Sister Monica Joan and Sister Julienne had known each other for  so long that they automatically sought each other out. Thus, Sister Winifred was often left alone.

But, that didn't mean that Sister Monica Joan didn't love her. She was a bright, innocent soul, a rare thing in their line of work. And that was something that Sister Monica Joan cherished. The young nun had become an integral part of Nonnatus. It was her home. And Sister Monica Joan would not see her taken from it.

Normally, Sister Monica Joan did not hold with idelness. But though it would seem that she was doing nothing, she was doing something very important. She was protecting her young sister from the memory that would torture her for a long time.

 Just listening to Sister Winifred's soft breathing gave Sister Monica Joan hope that she wouldn't have to lose her to.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like using rape in one of my stories but it is is a real, serious thing. And we should all show compassion to those who have been affected.


End file.
